the original script was unworkable, but i told kanksha that i would tranform it into something that would be great for her resume and reel even if it never became a commercial success. i even promised to pay her, which i was going to do out of my pocket, because kalki did not want to pay actors, with so many other costs to account for.
we laughed so much on the phone when i was helping rewrite the script because no self respecting actor would commit to the early drafts and indeed, we lost two lead males before i could lock in somebody to play kalki... the super human based loosely on the directors apparent view of himself. it was a great project that involved a lot of great people, but she would end up resenting me for it.
i started going to the mo
vies with h
er and even took her to a dance performance and then the phoenix film festival. i could feel my self esteem lowering with each date. i had never gone out with a girl and paid more than once without results. i could always gauge if there was something there or not, but with her it was difficult.
i enjoyed her company, but i felt like i was in the friends zone and i could not justify the receipts. these were cheap dates, but i was now a producer and running over budget for a talent i was going to have to pay a day rate for.
i dont know when or why she started liking me, but i have very fond memories. when she held my hand and told me that i could count on her for emotional support after i told her something personal, when we stood by her car and i tried to kiss her and she gave me her cheek and the moment when we sat on a bench and i confessed that the dates were getting awkward and painful for me because i could not tell if she liked me or if she just wanted to watch movies and spend time with a friend.